End of Year Awards – 2008

Well ladies and gentlemen, the end of 2008 has finally arrived. And I think I speak for everyone when I say it was a very exciting, and somewhat short, year. Just think back to all the incredible things that happened in the 08. America’s first black president, the economy spiraling into chaos, the damn New York Giants beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl, the world possibly ending, Michael Phelps winning eight gold medals at the Olympics in Beijing, and all kinds of other stuff.

So follow along as I take you on a trip down Memory Lane, or the more accurately named, Recent Memory Lane. And feel free to disagree with every single award….awarded in the following post. I didn’t put much thought into it.

Video Game of the Year

Winner: Grand Theft Auto IV

Niko Bellic

It’s been a long while since I’ve actually experienced hours of constant fun from a video game. Ironically, the last game I actually truly enjoyed (without help from multiplayer, online play, or extra features) was Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Just the ability to roam around freely in a completely 3-dimensional city, mowing down joggers, crashing into trees and buildings at a speed of 80 mph, and completing rather frustrating missions for mafia-like bosses who have a knack of yelling at you with words that don’t match their lip movements provides non-stop fun (but not for the whole family). GTA IV brings this feeling back from the grave, only now with better graphics, a Russian guy, and being able to fling the main character out of a car windshield.

I’ve played this game longer than most people would consider unhealthy, and I loved every minute of it. Well, almost. There was this one mission with a motorcycle that I’d rather not talk about.

Funniest Movie of the Year

Winner: Wall-E

Pixar’s done it again. They took a generally generic movie theme and made the best animated film of the year (maybe even decade), just like they did with toys, monsters, super-heroes, cars, bugs, fish, and now, robots. I didn’t have the chance to see Wall-E on the big screen, so I had to catch it on DVD, but let me just say: thank goodness for big screnn TVs and surround-sound systems.

Like other movies, Wall-E attempts, and succeeds, at trying to teach the viewer a lesson as well as entertain them. What can you learn from Wall-E you ask? Well, plenty. Here’s a few: don’t get fat, try to help the environment, exercise, don’t be too dependant on technology, don’t trust technology, eat healthy, be your self, and by God, don’t get fat!

Best Movie of the Year

Winner: The Dark Knight

jokebatdent???

Before TDK came out, Cloverfield would’ve definitely won this award, so I gotta give at least a mention to it. It was great. BUT, it didn’t have Heath Ledger as The Joker, did it? Yes, Ledger’s performance was, without a doubt, the best part of TDK. Oscar-worthy? Of course. Funny? Sure was. Better than Jack Nicholson? Yep. Dumb? Far from it.

Oh, and the DVD made for a great gift idea.

News Story of the Year

Winner: Obama Elected President

Well duh. This was the biggest story possibly of the last century, or something. Congratulations to Obama. Better luck next time McCain.

Biggest Disappointment of the Year

Winner: Patriots Losing to Giants in Super Bowl Instead of Having a Perfect Season With No Losses

Y’know, there was one point in last year’s football season where I though for sure that the Patriots were gonna have a perfect season, but noooo. They go and screw it all up by losing. They really let me down. So now, they’re my second-favorite team, next to the Cowboys. And they’re not doing any better this year, apparently.

Well then.

So there you have it. It’s been quite a year, eh? But that’s all behind us now. Now we must make room for 2009! Hoo-ray! An odd number!

Meh…

Here’s a toy.

Now….I must GO!

*whoosh*

I say, I say….VROOOM!

Wow, has it really been 8 whole days!? Wow, how time flies these days! It just hurts me inside. Like a paper cut on the tip of the finger.

So, on to today’s toy!

The remote control car; truly a gift every kid has asked for on Christmases past.  There’s nothing like unwrapping that last box under the ol’ Christmas tree and seeing one of these babies in your hands. It’s like being God.  Okay, well maybe just a demigod, but hey! You still have power.  Power over the different pavements of the neighborhood; power over the frightened little cats hiding under the kitchen table; power over your parents’ feet! You basically control everyone’s lives.  Can you feel it coursing through your bloodstream?

I remember one year, when “remote control car” was on the top of my Christmas list, and I actually got one from my grandparents. It was cool. I think it was a red Volkswagen Beetle. Yeah, I know, it sounds lame, but it was actually pretty nice.  I could tell, cuz my friend got a remote control car that year too – only his was more along the lines of Ferrari – and mine totally beat his in a race.  Then he got mad and tried to crash his car into mine, but after the collision, only his car was damaged.  Yep, my Beetle was pretty badass.

Nowadays, RC cars are all high-tech and do all kinds of awesome crap, like being able to flip itself over, drive over water, and serve you ice cream while it does seventy backflips and shoots rockets at your teacher’s house.  They also come in motorcycle form, but that’s just for the fools who are easily manipulated.  It’s the cars and trucks you want.  They go FASTER! They fly HIGHER! They don’t BREAK as easy! They last an entire DAY with one battery CHARGE! So come buy yours today!…..while supplies last.

Wow, they come in boat form! How pointless!

AND helicopter form?! What has the world come to!?

 

I can only laugh so much.

 

Wii love the We!

[First of all, I apologize for the all-around shortness of my posts. I don't have much time to write, so I try to keep it short and sweet.

Secondly, IT SNOWED here in Houston! We ACTUALLY got SNOW yesterday! It was awesome! Now, on to today's toy. -HZ]

If you have a son or daughter and don’t know what to get them this year for Christmas, have no fear! I have the perfect solution for such a dilemma. And that, my friends, is none other than the Nintendo Wii.

Cue pictures!

The Wii is the only gaming system out now that actually tries to keep its players active. With its motion-sensitive remotes, there will be plenty of arm flailing when you get it. Make sure to use the little strap that ties around your wrist or you may end up with a dent in your wall….or child.

Look at the fun you can have!

Unlike the PS3 and Xbox 360, the Wii’s games appeal mostly to children, probably because that’s what video games were made for, but I don’t know. I think that each Wii comes with a game game called Wii Sports, a game which is incredibly fun. You can a number of things, such as bowling, tennis, boxing, and baseball. And they’re all easy to get the hang of. And loads of fun too. It’s like playing the actual sport, only you’re standing in your living room holding a little, white stick thing with buttons on it. Yeah….fun.

Haha…now you’re all wet

Today’s toy is one that every person wanted at one point or another in their childhood. The lucky kids who got one were the kings of the neighborhood. Based on those two sentences and the title of this post, can you guess what I’m talking about? I’ll give you time to think.

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YOU’RE RIGHT! It is a squirt gun!

Remember those stupid little battle things all the kids in your hood would do, where you either throw eggs at people, use your SQUIRT GUN, or spit on people if you were poor. You split up in teams and do nothing but get others messy with egg yolk or all wet with water, or piss if you ran out of ammo and weren’t near a faucet.

For the poor.

 

For the rich.

You were considered lucky if you had someone on your team who had a gun, cuz they were usually the most skilled at, well, winning. If you were just armed with eggs only, you usually would run out of ammo, and the only way to get more was to go ask your mom. If she miraculously says yes, then you probably won’t be having breakfast the next morning. Eggs aren’t cheap y’know.

 There are other uses for squirt guns besides getting otheres wet. You just fill it with cold, refreshing water, and carry it wherever you go. If you get thirsty, voila! You have water ready to be squirted right down your throat.

I thought I could think of much more to say about this awsome toy, but I got nothin’. Plus, I gotta go to work right now, so…..

yeah.

The Money Isn’t Green!

I want to do something Christmassy this December on this blog, so I guess I should talk about toys. Toys are Christmassy, yes they are. Okay, so it’s settled; I’ll talk about a different toy everyday (or at least try to) until Christmas Eve I guess. Don’t be upset if I miss a day, cuz I know it’s gonna happen eventually. 50 dollars says it’s gonna be the 15th!

Speaking of money, today I’ll talk about the board game everyone loves: MONOPOLY.

I think almost every human being has played Monopoly; that’s how damn popular it is! If someone hasn’t played it, then they probably heard of it. I mean most likely heard of it. Actually, I mean definitely heard of it. If they haven’t, don’t worry; they’ll see it tonight in their dreams.

I think everyone can agree that Monopoly is waaaaaay better than Life, and even Clue! *Gasp* I mean, it’s the only board game (at least that I’ve played) that actually wants you to be the biggest asshole possible, and make everyone hate you. Picture it: your friend owns both St. Charles Place and Virginia Avenue, and is trying his hardest to land on States Avenue. But wait! You just landed there, and he’s begging you not to buy it. He tries to offer you a very high bid, but you won’t have any of that. You buy that crap and ruin his chances of purchasing a hotel. Congratulations! You are now a jerk.

One of the best things about Monopoly is when you pass GO, you collect 200 bucks. Yeah, you get 200 big ones just for walking across a square! That is unless you get one of those Chance or Community Chest cards that plainly states “DO Not pass GO, DO NOT collect $200!” Most likely, you’ll be heading to jail if this happens, where your only companion will be some old zombie-guy. I always think that that guy must be really confused when the cops suddenly toss an old shoe or a tiny dog inside his cell. He must be really upset if they throw a car in there, cuz he’ll have no space. Of course, there’s always the chance a bag full of money will become his new best friend. Not that he can spend any of it.

The most famous part of Monopoly is the colored money. I guess they wanted to make sure no one would be able to get rich by buying a bunch of Monopolies because their money looked so real. Although that would be awesome. Of all the bills, only the 20s are green, but they won’t fool anyone what with no dead guy on it.

I'm rich!.....in some magic dreamland.

Landing on Free Parking is a blessing in Monopoly. You get to park for free (even if you’re an iron) and you get all the money in the middle. The money in the middle is formed from the cash used to pay if you land on the Luxury Tax square, or that other one where you can choose between paying $200 or 10% of all your money. If only it were like that in real life.

After you pass GO successfully for the first time, you are granted the privilege of being able to buy land, such as churches, or even an electric company. You can even buy a boardwalk, a place that everyone wants to own. And for good reason; if you have a hotel there and someone trespasses, they have to pay you 200 dollars by default! Oh, did I say 200? I meant 2 THOUSAND! Dollars, not cents!

Well what else can I say. Monopoly is awesome, although it takes like three weeks to finish one game. But who doesn’t wanna spend three weeks with their family? Besides the old guy in jail.

The Month Hath Arrived

Huh-zah! It’s finally December, the greatest month EVER! Cookie dough and egg nog for everyone! Except you Frank.

Whoo, it’s that time of year. The time dedicated to nothing but snow, decorations, more snow, stockings, a fat, jolly guy trespassing on your property, and of course…. PRESENTS! Ah, presents. The creamy filling inside every Christmas experience you’ll ever have. A Christmas without presents is like Thanksgiving without turkey, or Halloween without costumes. Or even New Years without injuries and burnt skin.

December is by far my favorite month of all twelve, right there next to July and October. I mean, what’s not to like about December. Sure, the weather is freakin’ freezing, but isn’t that what makes it awesome? Wearing big coats, gloves, and earmuffs. And actually having a reason for putting a sweater on your dog.