Failure

Just realized that I’m going out of town next week, meaning I won’t have Internet access available to me, meaning I can’t post everyday this month, meaning I fail, meaning darn. I figure I might as well stop now, while my head’s still intact. I’ll still post frequently this month until I leave; just not everyday.

It was fun while it lasted. Too bad it didn’t last so long. Still, I never thought I would make it halfway through the month. Also, DAMN YOU AMERICAN LEAGUE! YOU GOT LUCKY, THAT’S ALL!!! WE’LL WIN NEXT YEAR!!!

Oh, and since I “promised” another Follywood, here it is … in mini-form.

Spider-Man

In one of the Spider-Man movies (can’t remember if it was part 1 or 3) some random New Yorker reads a newspaper article that says that Spider-Man did something naughty (can’t remember what.) Then he says something along the lines of, “I can’t believe Spider-Man did that! My daughter basically worships Spider-Man like a god. Who’s she supposed to look up to now?!” I don’t know man, maybe her FATHER! Meaning, YOU! That’s typically what daughters do.

Well, there you go. Now I can sleep tonight knowing I’m not a complete and utter failure.

Not really.

Let's just say I'm going West.

Another Little Post

You want something to read? Click here.

Struggling…

is the word of the day. A fitting word of the day, as that is what I’m doing trying to post every single day this month. I have a new respect for websites that somehow manage to update daily.

Anyway, I’m currently working on another Follywood, since they’re kind of fun to write. Expect it tomorrow, otherwise it’ll be another little post like this. And I know you don’t want that, do ya?

Follywood 2

Continuing from yesterday’s post, here’s some more movie suckishness that must be read. This time we take a trip to a place called Hogwarts, where teenagers are taught to become mass murderers who can kill you with only two words and a flick of the wrist, instead of basic algebra, or a second language.

Alright, starting from the beginning, let’s see what I can find wrong in each Potter movie so far.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

The problem with this one lies within the climax, where Harry first sees Voldemort on the back of Professor Quarrel’s head. After killing Quarrel with his ”magic touch,” Harry is knocked unconscious by the spirit of Voldemort. But that’s not my problem. No, what I noticed is quite simple really. It’s the fact that, in this particular Potter film, Voldemort has a fucking nose!

Yes, when the ”Dark Lord” is resurrected in part four, we see that his nose is what can only be described as snake-like. No hump; just two holes, like the serpent he keeps with him at all times. But, in part one, he clearly has a nose. I mean, just look at the picture to the left. That’s definitely a nose there. So, what happened to his nose while he was drifting around as a spirit throughout parts two and three? Did it fall off Michael Jackson style? Did it get bitten off by a creature he was trying to kill and eat? Did he himself slice it off because he thought he looked better without? We’ll never know.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Why didn’t Dumbledore help Harry- a 12-year-old at the time- kill the fucking Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets?! Did he honestly think giving a young boy a sword automatically meant he would win against a snake the size of a house, who can kill you simply by looking you in the eye?

 As we saw in Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore has some pretty badass magical skills, and even the ability to teleport anywhere he wants, and the best he can do to help the world’s only hope of finishing Voldemort off once and for all is sending in a bird and a sword? Let’s be honest, he could’ve probably killed that snake in fifteen seconds. But no, he decides the responsible thing to do is let a boy who hasn’t even reached his teens handle it. I think he has Alzheimer’s.

Harry Potter  and the Prisoner of Azkaban

They have the ability to travel in time?! And they don’t even use it to save people’s lives, the lazy bitches. Sure, they help Sirius avoid certain death, but after that, they never utilize the power of time travel again! They could’ve used it in part four in order to save Cedric Diggory’s life, save Barty Crouch’s life, and even stop Voldemort from coming back. Hell, they could’ve even used it to stop Wormtail from escaping in part three, and even to go back and make some worthwhile bets on the Qudditch World Cup. Think, stupids, think!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

When Harry battles the Hungarian Horntail in the first task of the Triwizard Tournament, he uses that Accio crap in order to cheat and use his super-fast broom to win.

What the hell, the rules say you can’t use a broom. What, you’re only allowed to use certain items if you can somehow make them come to you? If you ask me, Harry should’ve been disqualified … and then he would never have gone to the graveyard and Voldemort would’ve never been resurrected and Barty Crouch Jr’s plan would’ve failed holy shit I’m a genius!

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

The error in this one isn’t as bad as the others, but  it still deserves to be mentioned. Okay, there’s a scene where Dolores Umbridge busts Dumbledore’s Army while they’re training in the Room of Requirement. How did she find out about where they were you ask? Well, she simply used a powerful, truth-telling drug on Harry’s crush, Cho Chang, and she blabbed it all out.

After they’re caught and subsequently punished, the little army of wanna-be master wizards proceed to give poor Cho the cold shoulder, a pretty cruel punishment, I think. I mean, they used Veritaserum on her, a drug which Snape said can even make Voldemort spill his darkest secrets with just one tiny drop in his coffee. What, did they think Cho, a fuckin’ fifteen-year-old girl, could somehow have resisted it’s effects? The bastards! Cho, I feel your pain.

Well that concludes today’s post. Oh, and the word of the day is floccinaucinihilipilification. I don’t know what to say about it. Um… just try and find a word that’s longer than it, I guess. And none of that Supercalifragi-crap. I’m watching you.

Follywood

Today’s word is TOMORROW, but I’ll get to that after I get something off my chest. It’s actually a few things, but they all involve the same topic – movies. A few films have passed before my eyes in the past week, and in each one, I have found something that really just doesn’t make any sense. They’re all things no one would notice on their first viewing, but I’ve seen each of these a few times, so I got so bored of them that I just had to find at least one problem with each one, with no motive. And what do you know, they’re gonna be in this post.

 

National Treasure

 There’s a scene in the movie where Ben and Riley have parked their van in some park just after successfully stealing the Declaration of Independence and rescuing Abigail from Ian. They’re apparently trying to decide whether or not to go to Ben’s dad’s house to fetch the Silence Dogood letters, while Abigail is listening in on the whole thing, eager to take the Declaration from them because she thinks they’re both insane. After Ben constantly tells her to “shut…up,” and finally lets her hold the document so she can settle down, what does she do? Well, she does what all of us would’ve done in her situation, namely kick of her heels and make a run for it. But, unfortunately for her, Ben catches up to her within three seconds and grabs the Declaration out of her hands, telling her she’s more than welcome to leave, just not with the document. Now, this is the part that I just don’t get. She refuses to go anywhere without her precious Declaration, when she could’ve simply left, contacted the FBI, and explain to them what had happened and the exact location Ben and Riley were headed to. The police would get there first, ambush them, arrest them, and save her dear document and return it to safety. Voila, all is well. But no, she decides to stupidly stay with the two thieves, and risk being murdered for knowing too much.

 Then there’s the scene where Ben has been captured by the FBI, and is being interrogated, after just finding Benjamin Franklin’s bifocals, and after the Declaration has been stolen by Ian. During the interrogation, Ben’s cell phone rings. It’s Ian. The FBI agents listen in as Ian tells Ben to meet him at a certain location, and to … drumroll please … “bring those glasses you found at Independence Hall. Yeah, I know about the glasses.” Alright, my question to you is this: how the hell does he know about the glasses?! He didn’t see Ben get them; he had no idea why Ben was even there. There’s simply no way he could acquire that knowledge. He couldn’t just Google “Independence Hall” like he did with “STOW Declaration of Independence.” Actually, now that I think about it, I guess Abigail could’ve told him when she called him. Damn, and I though I was clever.

Well, the rest is for TOMORROW folks. See ya then!

Read All ABOUT it

Hmm. It seems the ABOUT page beat the F.A.Q. page in a cage match and has replaced it as it should.

Update: Okay, okay. The old look again.

Apparently the white words on grayish background wasn’t exactly appealing to my eyes. It became a pain to read, and besides, this theme looks cleaner, and it somehow feels like this is my blog’s theme. It’s gonna stay like this. If it ever changes, then it’s not me posting, and you should stop reading for that reason. Okay, I’m sleepy, so I bid you ado.

Oh, and the word of the day was: change-your-theme-back-dummy!

Another Short Post Because I Suck

Word of the Day: Flea

They’re terribly annoying, aren’t they?

Apologies Accepted

Wow, three suckish, pathetic posts in a row. This deserves and explanation. (I say three, because this one counts as one of them.)

 Well, the first two were written when I was feeling sick as a dog and lazy as a cat, and this one, well, really has no excuse. I had time earlier to write something else, but I chose to unconsciously play Guitar Hero instead. Feel free to write angry e-mails.

 Well, anyway.  It’s too late to produce some excellent piece of literature right now, as I must go to work soon. I could always write something when I get off of work, but by the time I post it (which is estimated to be at around 11:34), it would technically be the 9th, according to WordPress, and my hopes of posting everyday this month would be ruined. NO!

 Well, today’s word is TACKLE, so go assemble a group of friends and challenge a pro football team to a game. If you win, let me know. If you lose, I hope it’s a pleasant hospital you stay at.

*cough*

Still sick. Still lazy. Today’s word is EXPLORATION. Go read about Lewis and Clark or something.

Awesome…

That’s today’s word. Too lazy to write anything. Kinda feeling sick. Click here and go away.