Shelter
After seeing the horrors awaiting out on the streets, you may feel the urge to shelter you and your family in your home, boarding up windows and stocking up on supplies. However, this is most definitely not a good idea. Now I know that seems unreasonable, but trust me, us … er … i mean those zombies out there will tear through all those boards easily with their stick arms and decaying muscles. And then where will you be? Trapped in a little house with no where to run as hundreds of flesh-eating monstrosities proceed to corner you and rip you apart like a Christmas gift.
Trust me, the best option is to stay on the move.
But, you can’t just up and leave the city, because, by now, the government will have undoubtedly quarantined your unfortunate little town, leaving you trapped in this hell until they work out a plan. Unfortunately for you, it probably involves nuclear weapons and months of radiation, so good luck with that my friend.
They'll lead you to safety.
Well, since you can’t just drive away from this horrifying nightmare, the best thing to do would be to find a good place to take refuge. And what better place than a gun shop, right? Guess again fool. Gun shops are a ticking-time-bomb waiting to explode. Accidentally cause a fire, and BOOM! You and your friends and family are up in flames, your bodies quickly burned into ash. So you won’t be coming back as one of u … uh … one of those beastly creatures outside. Yeah, them.
Transportation
You may be thinking that a nice armored truck, or a bulldozer or school bus would be just the vehicle for this particular threat. Sadly, you couldn’t be any more wrong.
No, the best option to ensure survival at this point is to stay on foot. After all, zombies are slow-moving, right? You could easily outrun u … them, right? No need to use a vehicle, and by the way, have you seen gas prices these days. Not only will you be saving yourself, you’d be saving money as well, and in this economy, that’s really all that matters isn’t it?
Weapons
No doubt, by now you’re top priority would be to locate some guns, but you’ll be shocked to know that this too is a bad idea. Guns are heavy and will only prove to slow you down. Just imagine travelling with a loaded rocket launcher all day long. It can be tiring. Not to mention all the ammo you’d have to carry around, which is quite a hassle. Besides, zombies can be dealt with the old-fashioned way: hand-to-hand combat. Sure, everyone says zombies can easily be taken down with a simple bullet through the brain, but think about this. Zombies are slow, shambling, stupid creatures. Do really think they actually have a brain to destroy? I mean, why do you think they’re always walking around looking for brains to devour? Because we … I mean they don’t have any. A simple punch to the stomach will knock them over long enough for you to get away. It’s not like they’ll grab your arm in mid-swing and bite a big chunk out of it. We … um … zombies don’t exactly have cat-like reflexes.
Well, there you have it. Your flawless survival guide to an unpredictable zombie attack, which can surely happen at any time. I hope it helps you in your struggle to stay alive. Happy hunting!
-Kevin Zomb … uh … Xombie
